The exact details of his origins are shrouded in mystery, even to himself, but it is known that had his mother not stopped to investigate the strangely glowing orb that fell to Earth behind her simple shack in the Louisiana bayous in her youth, his preternatural gifts of hyperbole and sarcasm might have gone to another - perhaps an alligator, or even an opossum.

Nevertheless, his mother did investigate the orb she would come to call Frank, then later Master, and following its instructions, she met, seduced and married the man would one day sire a dark child they would name “Brian.”

Many years and countless battles against evil and tyranny that would result in his eventual faked death and equally faked resurrection, he would assume the internet alias “xardoz” because it sounded cool, although not as cool as it would if it was used by a sarcastic alligator or surly opossum.

And, though he lacked the alligator’s skull-crushing jaws and his only similarity to an opossum was the eye-watering, fetid pong that seemed to drape about him like a pungent cloak that had been used to cover onion-soaked corpses, he somehow managed to secure the love and affection of a tender-hearted beauty you shall know here only as Diane.

Together they stalk the mean streets of South St. Louis by the dark of night, fighting crime in its many hideous forms.
Oh yeah, and he loves cats and motorcycles, too.

Word.